It’s funny for me how adulthood (if I can say that) transform me to someone with ego-centric person to someone who starts thinking about others.
I don’t realize earlier but the memory that I start to think of other people is when I decide to step back from a relationship.
It is the type of relationship that has no to-be-continued due to faith and cultural difference.
My first reason is ya, it’s not allowed in my faith. There’s no way we have two captain in a same boat. The second is actually the continuation from the first one. It’s not fair for me to expect him to convert to my faith. There will be so much cost.
That’s why I start to guess if I begin to understand love. How on earth if the union of two people hurt his parents, hurt my parents, and in general hurt 2 big families. I understand love should bring happiness, but it looks like a bit cruel if the happiness is only for 2 people who united in that marriage.
Asian marriage is the marriage of two families. Safe to say, I also align myself with this cultural specialty.
Moreover, I hear stories, witness stories of how happy if the couple can also bring joy to each other’s family.
So, with a heavy heart, I decide to step back and move on.
The rest is in daily life. I start to imagine how they feel if I got angry, how they feel when they’re still new. Reflecting back that I was afraid when I was new. It somehow calm my anger down.
It somehow make me more soft in tone and gentler in the words choice.
In the job search, I also learn that it’s not only about my aspiration. It’s also my families.
It’s with sad heart that I can’t continue my master’s degree soon after graduating as a bachelor but… again, it’s not only about my own ambition.
I learn that aligning with people can be hard and it’s okay. But again, I can say it is much needed as we understand that the quotes is true, the world is not revolving around us.
Learn gently that we are just a small part of this universe and we shared the world with people.
So, while prioritizing yourself may be okay, ensure that it won’t harm people, as in you actually bring sadness..
All the best, young folks. We got so much to learn.
girlunderthesky 